INTRODUCTION - the parent the chick the wardrobe

Dear Chicks,

Growing up sure isn’t easy. As someone who has survived the process, I can definitely attest to that. It is an uphill battle that every teenager struggles with and one in which ‘change’ is the one word often greeted with fear. At this stage in our lives, the human body morphs in many ways─some in areas where we are proud to flaunt and some at spots we would rather shield from the world.

I believe girls have it tougher than boys during this period. Apart from trying to discover our identities, there are also our developing hormones that sometimes prompt us to act illogically to contend with. To add to this craziness, we are surrounded by so much ‘noise’ from our parents, peers, institutions of learning and the media all trying to capture our attention and shape our identities. The result is total chaos because these different influences drown out our ability to listen to ourselves. Sometimes we end up listening to the wrong advice or forgetting what we really want, leaving us to struggle through painstaking circumstances carved out of our own mistakes.

For example, it was only as I matured that it dawned on me that my teenage years could have been easier if only I could have avoided certain pitfalls. My pride and the way I always assumed I was ‘old enough’ prevented me from tapping on a good resource of information from others who were far richer in their experiences. I was too stubborn for my own good. Looking back, I realised I was searching for a compass to guide me through these tumultuous growing years, believing that it would be in sources that promoted popularity instead of sensibility. However, the compass was there all along. My parents, the folks who have the same genetic make-up as me and who genuinely have my best interests at heart, are perhaps the most ‘experienced’ people I know at that age. They are the ones who are best placed to impart advice to me, yet I have denied them of their say in my life. I have equated their experience to tiredness; their conservative advice to passé ideologies. Let’s face it, as teenagers, we tend to think our parents are un-cool, un-hip, un-fashionable…just so ‘UN’!

Having said all that, though, I did not write this book to add to the noise and chaos in our lives, nor am I trying to shape you girls into someone you do not want to be. I am just an average person with a passion to help cultivate better parent-daughter relationships through sharing the experiences and observations I have accumulated.

I did not have the privilege of wiser counsel whom I could relate to back then. Most of my advisory council was made up of the more ‘vintage’ folks, but my perceived intelligence and pride blocked out their advice (both good and bad). I didn’t have an older sister to pick up on her stories about growing up. So, I stubbornly chose to rough it out on my own, falling, semi-picking myself up and falling again. I guess the root cause of this stubbornness was the fear of rejection and the disapproval I might face if I confided or sought after my parents’ advice or shoulder to cry on. That was a big mistake as I was working against myself. It is actually a lot easier to fall than to find someone to pick us up when we fall.

I hope this book will challenge all of us to take the first step in tapping on our parents for advice and also give us insights on what a ‘graduated’ teenager, like me, has observed and learnt—that basically, the world is a judgemental, superficial, yet practical place. Our parents can’t change this world even if they wanted to, but they can choose the level of involvement they have in preparing and equipping us for it. The best way I can think of explaining this platform of involvement is to use the analogy of clothes and having a full wardrobe. The two are neutral and universal concepts that everyone should be able to relate to.

The way I view this co-relation is that the wardrobe is made up of many elements, just as the world is made up of many elements. We change clothes everyday just as human beings as complex creatures are constantly changing everyday; and shopping for a wardrobe on our own is very much like trying to live our teenage years on our own. For example, we might buy clothes that aren’t of such good quality because our pocket money isn’t much to begin with, and we might buy items that don’t fit because we lack experience. We subject ourselves to ‘eye’ and ‘touch’ sensations, buying things on impulse when emotions override logic. Whether we shop as a form of retail therapy or to fill a nagging void, it is probably because of the rebel in us seeking to assert ourselves as we see fit. However, what we are actually doing is wasting precious time and money─both of which we don’t have much to start off with.

We can also look to friends or seek fulfilment in activities, but these are poor substitutes for the quality and fit of our parents’ support. I can boldly say that almost all parents have their child’s best interest at heart. We are from their mould and, hence, ‘mini-mes’ of them. Yet, we tend to turn to our peers who may not care or put our welfare before theirs. Remember that we live in a selfish and practical world. Even if our friends are genuinely caring, they may not be in the best position to advise us. Their maturity and knowledge may be worse off than ours to begin with. Parents─the people who brought us into the world─on the other hand, want to see us achieve great success.

And we all want to grow up to be someone successful and happy, but we need to make sure we choose the right outfit to clothe ourselves in success. That’s exactly why I’m writing this book. Now, with age and experience, I have the clarity of mind to say for certain that parents are the nutrition to our souls and the true stylists of our lives’ wardrobe; and they can help us ‘dress up’ for success. What this book will do is provide the basis for this parent-daughter communication. Each chapter in this first volume will touch on the meaning behind an article of basic clothing, focusing on either essential needs, values, knowledge or a host of other skills necessary for survival. Parents and daughters can then dwell deeper and customise the final outfit. The accessories of life such as hats (education), jackets (situational awareness) and watches (time management), required for further advancement in life, on the other hand, will be covered in volume two.

With proper guidance from parents and an understanding of our own strengths and weakness, we can present ourselves in the best light possible to advance in society. So, never underestimate the power of the parent, the chick and the wardrobe─it’s a powerful trinity for reaching our dreams!

Love,

Jacyln