INTRODUCTION - the parent the chick the wardrobe

Dear Chicks,

Growing up sure isn’t easy. As someone who has survived the process, I can definitely attest to that. It is an uphill battle that every teenager struggles with and one in which ‘change’ is the one word often greeted with fear. At this stage in our lives, the human body morphs in many ways─some in areas where we are proud to flaunt and some at spots we would rather shield from the world.

I believe girls have it tougher than boys during this period. Apart from trying to discover our identities, there are also our developing hormones that sometimes prompt us to act illogically to contend with. To add to this craziness, we are surrounded by so much ‘noise’ from our parents, peers, institutions of learning and the media all trying to capture our attention and shape our identities. The result is total chaos because these different influences drown out our ability to listen to ourselves. Sometimes we end up listening to the wrong advice or forgetting what we really want, leaving us to struggle through painstaking circumstances carved out of our own mistakes.

For example, it was only as I matured that it dawned on me that my teenage years could have been easier if only I could have avoided certain pitfalls. My pride and the way I always assumed I was ‘old enough’ prevented me from tapping on a good resource of information from others who were far richer in their experiences. I was too stubborn for my own good. Looking back, I realised I was searching for a compass to guide me through these tumultuous growing years, believing that it would be in sources that promoted popularity instead of sensibility. However, the compass was there all along. My parents, the folks who have the same genetic make-up as me and who genuinely have my best interests at heart, are perhaps the most ‘experienced’ people I know at that age. They are the ones who are best placed to impart advice to me, yet I have denied them of their say in my life. I have equated their experience to tiredness; their conservative advice to passé ideologies. Let’s face it, as teenagers, we tend to think our parents are un-cool, un-hip, un-fashionable…just so ‘UN’!

Having said all that, though, I did not write this book to add to the noise and chaos in our lives, nor am I trying to shape you girls into someone you do not want to be. I am just an average person with a passion to help cultivate better parent-daughter relationships through sharing the experiences and observations I have accumulated.

I did not have the privilege of wiser counsel whom I could relate to back then. Most of my advisory council was made up of the more ‘vintage’ folks, but my perceived intelligence and pride blocked out their advice (both good and bad). I didn’t have an older sister to pick up on her stories about growing up. So, I stubbornly chose to rough it out on my own, falling, semi-picking myself up and falling again. I guess the root cause of this stubbornness was the fear of rejection and the disapproval I might face if I confided or sought after my parents’ advice or shoulder to cry on. That was a big mistake as I was working against myself. It is actually a lot easier to fall than to find someone to pick us up when we fall.

I hope this book will challenge all of us to take the first step in tapping on our parents for advice and also give us insights on what a ‘graduated’ teenager, like me, has observed and learnt—that basically, the world is a judgemental, superficial, yet practical place. Our parents can’t change this world even if they wanted to, but they can choose the level of involvement they have in preparing and equipping us for it. The best way I can think of explaining this platform of involvement is to use the analogy of clothes and having a full wardrobe. The two are neutral and universal concepts that everyone should be able to relate to.

The way I view this co-relation is that the wardrobe is made up of many elements, just as the world is made up of many elements. We change clothes everyday just as human beings as complex creatures are constantly changing everyday; and shopping for a wardrobe on our own is very much like trying to live our teenage years on our own. For example, we might buy clothes that aren’t of such good quality because our pocket money isn’t much to begin with, and we might buy items that don’t fit because we lack experience. We subject ourselves to ‘eye’ and ‘touch’ sensations, buying things on impulse when emotions override logic. Whether we shop as a form of retail therapy or to fill a nagging void, it is probably because of the rebel in us seeking to assert ourselves as we see fit. However, what we are actually doing is wasting precious time and money─both of which we don’t have much to start off with.

We can also look to friends or seek fulfilment in activities, but these are poor substitutes for the quality and fit of our parents’ support. I can boldly say that almost all parents have their child’s best interest at heart. We are from their mould and, hence, ‘mini-mes’ of them. Yet, we tend to turn to our peers who may not care or put our welfare before theirs. Remember that we live in a selfish and practical world. Even if our friends are genuinely caring, they may not be in the best position to advise us. Their maturity and knowledge may be worse off than ours to begin with. Parents─the people who brought us into the world─on the other hand, want to see us achieve great success.

And we all want to grow up to be someone successful and happy, but we need to make sure we choose the right outfit to clothe ourselves in success. That’s exactly why I’m writing this book. Now, with age and experience, I have the clarity of mind to say for certain that parents are the nutrition to our souls and the true stylists of our lives’ wardrobe; and they can help us ‘dress up’ for success. What this book will do is provide the basis for this parent-daughter communication. Each chapter in this first volume will touch on the meaning behind an article of basic clothing, focusing on either essential needs, values, knowledge or a host of other skills necessary for survival. Parents and daughters can then dwell deeper and customise the final outfit. The accessories of life such as hats (education), jackets (situational awareness) and watches (time management), required for further advancement in life, on the other hand, will be covered in volume two.

With proper guidance from parents and an understanding of our own strengths and weakness, we can present ourselves in the best light possible to advance in society. So, never underestimate the power of the parent, the chick and the wardrobe─it’s a powerful trinity for reaching our dreams!

Love,

Jacyln

nakedness and packaging

NAKEDNESS & PACKAGING

There was once an emperor who was very fastidious about his wardrobe.

Two weavers managed to dupe the pompous monarch into believing that a fine suit was made for him, but only those worthy of seeing the fabric could really appreciate its beauty. Afraid to appear unworthy, the king ‘donned’ the invisible outfit and paraded himself in the village square in full glory.

~ The Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Anderson ~

Have we ever gone an entire day without clothes? Wait, let me rephrase that; have we ever lived a day naked? “Of course not!” we might say; but if we were to rewind our memories to the day we were born, we will realise that we all entered the world naked. We all started out the same—blank slates void of knowledge, skills, and achievements—these are the ‘clothing’ that we acquire in our life’s wardrobe, the things that are noticeable. Why do we need clothes at all? Of course, it gives us warmth and comfort; but more importantly, it offers protection from ridicule and offers enhancement of our assets (perhaps also to hide our fats). The bottom line is that clothes make us look better and helps us create better impressions of ourselves so that we can advance in life.

For example, when I was younger, I wanted to grow up to become someone famous and important. I thought success meant making it to onto a magazine cover. I looked at celebrities and their perfect coifs, perfect skin and perfect curves—all accentuated by gorgeous makeup, clothes and accessories—and I always thought it was out of my reach until I realised celebrities on magazine covers started out as blank slates like us, just with glamorous hairdos, makeup and clothes…not forgetting the skills and experience that got them there in the first place. The difference lay in the way they presented themselves and packaged themselves with the right clothes, accessories and makeup; and that was certainly not out of my reach. It just took extra effort, preparation and the right styling. No one wakes up one day looking like a supermodel without putting in any work. I’m sure we’ve all seen gossip magazines showing celebrities looking like any average person when they’re without makeup and fancy clothes.

Clothes can help us emphasise our traits and hide our flaws, just like developing our skills can help us emphasise our talents and compensate for our imperfections. All it takes is the choice to present ourselves to the world in the best possible light. However, this choice can either result in being poorly packaged (nakedness), just like the emperor in the fairytale at the beginning of this chapter, or being ‘branded’ so that we can make a good impression on others. For instance, someone might be the nicest, smartest and most competent person in a group of interviewees, but if she doesn’t package herself with the right ‘clothes’ of speech and thought, not to mention the right outfit, she will be overshadowed by someone else who knows how to ‘sweeten’ herself in the eyes of the employers. Humans are visual creatures with limited time to invest. Therefore, assumptions and judgements are usually made on first impressions.

Whether we become the president of a country, a CEO of a multi-national company or a regular waitress at a neighbourhood café is dependant on whether we allow ourselves to be clothed and packaged in a way that is accepted by the world. It isn’t about trying to please everyone we meet because that would be extremely tiring and unproductive, but it is about striking a balance between knowing how to appeal to the critical world we live in while being true to ourselves.

We all come in different shapes and sizes, just like the way we have different talents and traits. Our clothes should reflect how special each of us is. No! Our clothes should celebrate how special each of us is. That way, when people see us, they get a sneak preview of what we’re all about. No one has time to watch all the movies in the world, so trailers showing the best scenes of the movie to whet the appetite help people decide whether they want to know more. Our clothes, like movie trailers, should help bring out the best in us so we can shine brighter because it’s a superficial world. I’m not saying that people are shallow; it’s just that we rely a lot on our eyes to make decisions. After all, it takes seeing a movie trailer, not hearing, touching or smelling one to decide to watch a movie. Likewise, will our clothes make a good trailer so people want to get to know us better? The clothes we wear need to help us shine on the outside to show people just how special we can be, which in turn attracts positive attention. When we receive positive attention, we would naturally feel better about ourselves; we would then radiate this good feeling from the inside-out. Let me give an example.

My wardrobe used to be a monotone mesh of blacks and whites. It wasn’t much to look at; and like black-and-white movies, it would have done better in colour. However, I just didn’t have the confidence to pull bright colours off, and I think my sombre ensemble gave others hints at how unconfident I was. I was what I wore until I received a half-shoulder top with bright blue and yellow prints as a gift one day. It didn’t fit in my wardrobe’s tribe and pushed me out of my comfort zone. Its bright blue hue made me feel even more conscious of the attention I drew until people started complimenting me, saying that the top went great with my skin tone and that it emphasised my toned shoulders. For the first time in my life I felt like my clothes made people see the best in me. I felt good from the inside and it showed on the outside! That’s what it feels like to have an inside-out transformation.

So, wearing something that makes us look good on the outside helps us feel great on the inside. This sparks a feel-good cycle that keeps reinforcing itself from the outside-in and inside-out. I must say, though, that I would not have bought that top on my own. It took someone older and wiser to see me for what I could become and how I could change. I think this incident reminds us that we need to recognise the wisdom of older, more knowledgeable people such as our parents. It might not be something we would look for on our own, but our parents’ advice and guidance comes from years of experience in this harsh world that judges by what it sees.

Similarly, our parents’ hand-me-downs (clothes as well as advice) give us the added edge so that our maturity level can surpass that of our peers. It’s very much like saving money and time shopping when we receive some vintage items. The good mix of old and new clothes and accessories can differentiate us from the people who would probably be dressed in the typical outfits the malls carry. However, these hand-me-downs can only benefit us if we allow our parents’ lessons and life experiences to be something relevant in our own lives. How we make use of those hand-me-downs is a learning process, which might take time.

In primary one, we were all pretty clueless when it came to style. We all wore the uniforms we were handed no matter how long the skirt length or how high up the waistband or belt was. We also didn’t care whether our shoes were from an unidentifiable brand. In secondary school, I remember slightly shorter skirts, coloured sports bras, ankle socks and how we tied our hair were all important marks of self-expression. Next, was the junior college phase where coloured hair accessories, coloured shoes and school bags were added on as avenues to show off who we were underneath our uniforms. University (or polytechnic for some of us) was the ultimate time for expression since we were no longer confined to a uniform. We now had more choices to experiment with.

The lesson here is that if we want to stand out in our own special way, we need to develop our own sense of style. Different pieces of clothing, vintage or otherwise, should come together as a total package—a full outfit—to help us do that. This is what it takes to make a positive mark on people’s minds and open even more doors of opportunity. This is the same packaging principle Japanese products use. Make the packaging so irresistible that consumers develop a strong urge to buy even if the product isn’t that fantastic. The fact is that packaging acts as a guideline to the quality of what’s inside. Good packaging reels people in and gives them a reason to want to get to know what we are really like inside.

The same applies when we are attracted to certain guys. Females usually don’t want to admit that we are superficial when it comes to finding a life partner, but the fact is that we subconsciously are. Ultimately, we want to be with a man who can provide for us and our future family; who can enhance our lives in a way that we might not be able to do on our own; and this is regardless if we are career-minded or homebodies. The fact is that we tend to look at the packaging first before making a decision, and there are several things we look out for: family background, job title, car, watch and the clothes he wears.

Most clothes start off from the same materials: cotton or wool, threads, buttons or zippers, and dyes. What makes them different, however, is the process it is put through to come out as a bolt of cloth and the tailor’s techniques, which eventually labels it is as either a S$3,000 Gucci dress or a simple S$5 t-shirt that was picked up from a flea market. However, it is the person that eventually makes the outfit look like a million dollars.

First impressions, as I have mentioned, are the deal-makers (or deal-breakers). Most people don’t get a second chance to make it right, unlike a friend of mine. When I first met him, I felt he was nothing short of irritating, obnoxious and absolutely ridiculous. His fancy branded clothes and loud behaviour did nothing to convince me that this was someone worthy of friendship. However, a second meeting allowed me to review my opinion. I had actually caught him on one of his alcohol-induced days earlier and everything he was then was an act. His true self was hidden behind that façade. Had I not given him this second chance, I would not have realised the nice person underneath.

Not all first encounters end with bad impressions though, and second meetings might even add to our initial conviction. Another friend of mine, who was unassuming and down-to-earth when we first met. He dressed down, didn’t wear any flashy clothes, nor flaunt any money; and I was drawn to his strong family values. When I later realised he was actually quite well off, I was even more impressed by his humility as most testosterone-raging young men would have flashed their opulence to impress their peers.

Basically, we live in a world that is quick to judge because technology has made life so fast-paced that we need to be practical about how we spend our time. We form relationships with people who fit what we are looking for or people we think are similar to us; and often, the only way to tell all this at first glance is through clothes. So, if we’re going to wear something (instead of being naked), let’s choose to wear something that helps our individuality shine instead.

tops and love

TOPS

A soldier, who had lost his home and family, made a pact with the devil.

In exchange for wealth, he had to don an ugly cloak, stay unkempt for seven years and yet not explain his appearance to anyone.

If he survived the stipulated time frame, he would be free from the pact.

Most of those he helped with the money didn’t take too kindly to him because of how he looked except for one young woman who agreed to marry him to repay her father’s debt. He gave her half a ring as a token and told her to wait for his return.

Her sisters laughed at her, but she stood firm.

The soldier, after being finally free from his pact with the devil, returned as a rich man and fulfilled his promise.

~ Bearskin by the Brothers Grimm ~

Have you ever met someone for the first time and within the first few minutes decided if you liked him or her? I am sure all of us have. Wherever we go and whomever we meet, we form impressions and opinions. This explains why the world can’t help making judgments and being judgmental. Judgment can work for us when people like us or against us when people don’t like us; and we definitely prefer people liking us rather than hating us. What would you like people to think of you? Check the boxes next to the adjectives that apply below:

Capable Cool Generous Intelligent

Caring Courteous Helpful Kind

Cheerful Fun Independent Pretty

Confident Funny Insightful Trustworthy

If you have checked at least one of the above, it means you are a normal human being—one with the basic need for acceptance, connection and love. All of us need to feel like our existence on Earth means something at least to someone. Basically, all human beings need love to survive. Take the example of the soldier, Bearskin, in the fairytale above. He was a good man who helped people with the money the devil gave him, but his dirty appearance drove people away. He actually doubted if he could survive the seven years especially since he did not receive any form of acceptance. If the young woman did not agree to marry him, he would not have found a reason to continue living.

Sometimes, the act of searching for love and attention can backfire. When I was a teenager, I was an overachiever—I attained good grades, excelled in sports, mixed with the popular kids and even flaunted my dad’s connections. It was an attempt to prove my worth. I would hide behind those I knew, the achievements I accomplished and the titles I held just so that I could feel more secure behind my perceived ‘popularity’. I thought that my achievements would allow me to be better accepted by my peers. However, what I didn’t realise was that my lack of security and love for myself was sending out negative vibes to others, causing uneasiness that was not verbally expressed to me.

Some people have dubbed these vibes, positive as well as negative ones, as auras. Our auras or vibes are a lot like the tops we wear. They are one of the most essential pieces of clothing in our wardrobe. They protect us and give us warmth since it’s always a cardigan or sweater that is reached for when it’s cold, not a pair of legwarmers or sweats. They’re also the first thing people notice, and they leave lasting impressions. Just think, would you wear the same top two days in a row? I know I definitely wouldn’t if I had a choice because people remember it all too well. Unlike pants or shoes, tops are pieces of clothing that are the most visible. People notice it whether you’re sitting or standing as it is always in clear view; and when we have photographs taken to document our memories, our tops always get the most limelight.

<INSERT PICTURE OF A FLASHY TOP>

Speaking about getting the limelight, some people crave love, or shall we call it attention, so badly that they wear flashy tops—the kind with designer logos scrawled all over them. These tops are like loud broadcasts, shouting out, ‘Look at me, aren’t I all that”, casting attention on material possessions. Don’t get me wrong, owning these tops are fine, but they should not be the reason behind why we feel attractive or why people show us love and acceptance. They are only a temporary facade borne out of the fear that our naked self would be rejected and ridiculed. What we really need to do is get away from meaningless titles and brands. After all, these labels don’t say much about who we really are; and when they are stripped away, the true worth is in who wears the apparel.

On the other hand, some people crave for acceptance so badly that they settle for any type of love or attention despite knowing that the love isn’t sincere or that it is bad for them.

These are the people with no quality control (QC). It’s a lot like wearing overly revealing tops—the neckline gets a little too low and reveal a little too much. It’s very easy to attract the wrong kind of love and attention with tops like that.

At the other extreme are people who mask their existences in overly baggy tops in an attempt to hide their selves and insecurities from the world. These are the tops that they hope would hide them from any form of ridicule as any little comment can make them crumble. Girls like these tend to be the ones who think they are unworthy of love and acceptance. Perhaps, they haven’t had the chance to feel like they deserve love, or maybe they’ve had a bad experience that shattered their self-confidence. Lack of family love could also have ingrained their psyche into believing that they do not deserve love. However, in their attempt to cover themselves up, the strong uneasy vibes they send out can be picked up by those around them. Subconsciously, these girls are leaving negative impressions on the people they meet.

I call this the worm mentality because it’s an unhappy cycle. Girls who think like this feel ugly and worry that attracting more attention will in turn attract criticism. So, they don’t wear skimpy or flashy tops; and they don’t go looking for love. In short, they don’t feel like they deserve anything better; and because they cannot take pride in themselves, they assume that this is what they are going to be forever. The irony is that the baggy clothing does attract attention—negative attention actually—because they are so ill-fitting.

~ Jade ~

Flashy tops, revealing tops and overly baggy tops don’t look good on us because they reflect negative vibes. We end up wearing them when we don’t feel good about ourselves and need validation from others in terms of love and acceptance. Interestingly, these are the tops that keep others from finding us attractive. The lesson to learn is that we need to keep a check on the vibes we send out as they determine the people we attract and the friends we make.

Positive vibes are the vibes of choice, like choosing a flattering top to bring out the best in us. There are many ways to send out positive vibes: by lending others a listening ear, cracking a joke to lighten up the mood, putting the needs of others first, or giving someone a compliment to make him or her feel better. It’s all about putting a smile on people’s faces and making them feel positive about themselves too.

Making people smile and feel good stems from love. It’s only when we love others that we want them to feel positive too. It’s only when we are able to love that we are love-able (read: loveable) and can send a spark of love to others. People like being around others who send out positive vibes because it makes them feel good. Hanging out with people with positive vibes reflects well on us too. It tells the world that we are loved by people who are loved too, which just makes us even more loveable in the eyes of others.

What we must remember is that love and acceptance is a cycle. When we have love, we feel warm; and when we feel warm, we radiate that warmth to others. Similarly, a person who does not feel loved is cold; and that cold seeps into the entire being where it is projected onto others as well. So, we all need to realise that we deserve to be loved. If ever we feel unworthy, we need to stop denying ourselves the need for love just as we shouldn’t deny ourselves the right to wear a top that looks good.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose; and then where are you?”

~ Fanny Brice ~

So, what makes someone attractive or repulsive? It is easy to be attractive when money, status or connections are part of our identity. I’ll admit; I also find myself attracted to people who are well off and connected. However, we must remember that no matter what status, money and connections other people have, it is not all there is to their identity. Status, money and connections fade over time. I’m not saying that these things are wrong to have, but they should not be the primary or only reason why people are attracted to you, or why you are attracted to some people.

“You yourself, as much anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”

~ Buddha ~

True attractiveness starts from within; when we love ourselves for who we are and not for our titles and accomplishments. We can do this by accepting that we are worthy of being loved. This means falling in love with ourselves everyday—not in a narcissistic way, but rather in being comfortable with and proud of ourselves.

Of course, we need to be realistic and remember that we can’t have everyone like us. There is bound to be people who don’t like us, but we should remember that what they feel is just an opinion; and one opinion (or a few opinions) does not completely define us.

Being able to accept rejection takes a lot of confidence.It’s like being able to dance without worrying who is watching, and being able to laugh at ourselves when we bust a move. This sort of confidence is very attractive because it shows we are happy with ourselves no matter what happens—and that’s releasing many positive vibes!

Aside from loving ourselves, we’ve also got to think about love in relation to others. We need to allow others to love us too. The first step in doing this involves understanding our love language. This is something introduced by Dr Gary Chapman, who identified five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—as key acts of expressing our love.

Everyone has a primary love language—a preferred way to give and receive love. In order to figure this out, we need to ask ourselves how we usually express love to others and how we usually like to receive love from others.

The same applies to finding out other people’s love language. Look at how they express their love to others and what makes their faces light up. The next time we want to show them our love, we need to speak their love language so they hear our love for them loud and clear. Likewise, the next time they show us love in their primary love language, we hear (and feel) their love more clearly because we know they are speaking their love language and we can identify it in their intentions.

That’s not to say that the primary love language is the only one we speak. All of us can speak the other love languages too, but our order of preference might be different. Some of us might put physical touch last while others may put acts of service last.

All this dawned on me when I looked back on what my parents did for me, realising now that it was their way of saying they loved me. However, I was too young then to know that this was their love language and as such never felt any love communicated. Now that I understand, I have started allowing their love in my life by identifying with their love language whenever they express it.

As ideal as this concept sounds, parents and friends cannot give us all the love we need. That’s when we turn to the Almighty—a God that understands our innermost needs and desires because he’s all-knowing and loves us no matter what we do. When we receive God’s love, we are connected to something greater than ourselves, and that makes us shine from the inside.

So, how then do we achieve a magnetic personality? It’s all about harnessing the love we have for ourselves, family, friends and God because love is a powerful source of attraction. When we clothe ourselves well in love, we become naturally attractive to those around us. People will like us because we are genuinely likeable, not just because of the titles and accomplishments we have achieved (as much as those would be an added plus). Love that comes from our heart will speak louder than the achievements the world defines us by. Think about it: even if we wore flashy, designer tops, but were unattractive because we are cold and bitter, people would not be any more attracted to us if ever we wore a less flashy top.

No doubt accomplishments are still important to help us differentiate ourselves, but it also shouldn’t be the foundation of why people are attracted to us. Accomplishments don’t count for anything if at the core of it all, we aren’t people full of love for others, and therefore people full of love from others.

So, the bottom line is: how do we want people to remember us by?

REFLECTION:

We all crave love and acceptance, but whether we get love that is pure and in the right amount is subjected to many factors.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Looking for love in too many faces

Searching your eyes, looking for traces

Of what…I'm dreaming of...

~ Lookin’ For Love by Waylon Jennings ~

Feeling loved is a choice; it does not just happen nor is it something guaranteed after acquiring a particular thing. Love is a state of being; just as we would go into a store and choose a dress or a pair of pants, we can wake up each and every day and choose to feel loved. If we want to change our circumstances, we must change our feelings; and if we want to change our feelings, we have to change the stimulus that we subject ourselves to.

Vibes are the invisible words that communicate how we are feeling. It is like an invisible energy that people can sense and most of the times pick up on even if they don’t know you that well.

Parents need to understand their primary love language and compare it to the primary love language of their children and other people important in their lives. Sometimes, kids may go to extreme measures to seek attention, all in the name of wanting to feel loved and accepted. The best way to show them the love they crave is to speak the love language that makes the strongest impact on them. Do remember that it’s relatively easy for us to fall in love, but harder for us to find someone to catch us when we’re out in the real world; and parents are the only people whom we can be sure will always be there for that.

wearing the pants

PANTS

Legend talks about a teenage girl in early China who joined the army to protect her old father from being conscripted. Women were not allowed to associate with men in those days, much less fight in a war. Breaking this rule was tantamount to death, yet she went through with her decision to ensure the family could still have a bread winner. This decision entailed her to hide her feminine self by dressing in man’s clothes, act with a manly demeanour, take up a weapon and even fight enemies, all within the confines of an all-male environment.

~ The Ballad of Mulan, Musical Records of Old & New ~

I always thought that ‘wearing the pants’ meant that I had to be the mean girl on the block—the one who everyone avoided and whispered about spitefully. In short, I thought it meant being a ‘b’ with an itch. So, you can probably imagine that I had a huge ‘X’ crossing out the possibility of ever wearing the pants. Instead, I was like every teenage girl—I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be Miss Popular; and this got to me so strongly that it was almost like a disease that was slowly but surely eating me from within. I was so caught up with ensuring that I was in everyone’s good books that I allowed myself to be at the beck and call of others, having no backbone of my own and allowing myself to be other people’s doormat. Little did I know that being liked did not equate to being a pushover. In fact, no one wants to be associated with losers, The strong and charismatic leaders are actually the ones that attract other people to them, just as honey attracts bees. This understanding then made me think about who actually wears the pants in my life. I was left to question myself as to whether I was allowing random people to steal my pants; whether I had made a subconscious decision to leave my pants at home; or if I even owned a pair of pants to begin with.

Throughout history, pants have been a piece of clothing for men. It was not until Vogue, a popular fashion magazine, made a stance that every woman needed to own a pair of capri pants did emotionally-driven women decide to adopt this article of clothing. In my opinion, this decision to wear pants is like putting on an emblem of power. It represents the ability to take control of situations, giving us the ability to stand up for ourselves and for what’s right.

When I started my journey to discover the importance of wearing the pants in my life, I realised how crippled I was. I had no clue how to stand up for myself or to take control of a situation. I knew what was convenient though—the easy way out—that is, to follow orders in a brainless fashion. I thought this would get people to like me.

At one point, I even thought that I needed to be in a position of leadership before my thoughts and convictions could be validated and respected by others. So, I ran after any type of authority. I grabbed every position possible: announcer, class representative, peer leader, pledge taker, sports leader, student counsellor, track captain, etc. I ran after these titles hoping that I would gain the ability and right to stand up. However, respect and the authority garnered in taking a stance is something different altogether. After all, many leaders in our society today still can't stand up for anything. At the end of the day, the results are much more important than the titles, which are just facades. Everyone has the right to stand up for his or her beliefs, and there is no pre-requisite. We just need to respect ourselves and be convinced enough in what we believe in to influence others.

However, in our fight to grow and become a stronger person, rocking the boat—whether for the good or bad—is a lot harder and more lonely than going about life’s business as an unnoticed soul amongst the crowd. So, we have to constantly challenge ourselves to think if we could be satisfied with such a life; to allow ourselves to be yet another digit; or to firmly wear the pants. Just remember, we only become stronger when the going gets tough because we are then forced to make decisions that can either make or break our future. Yes, we can learn from the good ol’ Hunky Dory moments; but as stubborn as we teenagers are, we probably need the hard knocks and falls to really kick some sense into us.

Females, especially, are ruled by emotions. We need to emulate the traits of our male counterparts in being able to compartmentalise our emotions and use our brains to think and see the situation in its totality. However, we don’t want to be too masculine either, so we need to find a balance between control and poise, and firmness and femininity. It is about being able to repackage our emotions and backing them up with logic.

Let’s try this little exercise. When is it most practical to physically put on a pair of pants?

a) When we need to embark upon hard labour;

b) When the going gets tough; or

c) When the environment that surrounds us is dirty.

None of the answers are wrong; but if you had picked (a), you’re thinking from a man’s perspective. Hard labour means we need ease of movement and perhaps something with more safety; and pants definitely fit that mould. Scenario (b) can be a situation in an office or at home, which does not necessarily require the physical wearing of pants. A dirty environment (c) also would not faze a man as much as it would a woman. After all, a shower is enough to wash off any impurities. What this exercise does is to help us practice thinking logically instead of with our emotions.

In times when our lives are like a bed of roses, we can usually embellish ourselves with jewels and dresses, not having to think twice about having to clothe ourselves with strength. However, in times of ‘war’ or harshness, the most appropriate thing is to be on guard and to be able to stand up in spite of bullies. I think I speak for many girls when I say that we are bombarded by the opinions and standards in the media, among our peers and our role models. With so much noise in the market; it’s really easier to follow what others think than defend what we truly want for ourselves. The lesson, here, is that we need to ask ourselves if we have control over our lives or are we letting the opinions of others affect us unnecessarily. We need to realise that we aren’t defined by what other people say about us, but rather how we see ourselves in the mirror. Is our foundation strong? Is our conscience clear? Are we proud of who we are? If so, why should we allow ourselves to be defined by the negative tags that people place on us? We can’t get the entire world to love us; but be comforted to know that it is sometimes more difficult to choose to be hated instead of to be loved. Everyone loves someone who doesn’t move their cheese. It takes true guts to wear the pants—to stand up and be hated for what’s right. Remember that many great men were hated for the good they were trying to advocate, and someone was even hated to his death on a cross.

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t—you’re right.

~ Henry Ford ~

It’s not just about making your opinions heard; it’s more about having the authority over ourselves to go after what we really want. Think of Hillary Clinton, Ho Ching, and Oprah Winfrey. These women have dared to blaze their own trails and are now respected for doing just what they love. They are passionate in going after what they want, often to the point of having ants in their pants. They are a reminder that girls can step up to take charge of their lives, rather than live their lives as professional pushovers.

Yet, beyond the fancy-pants titles these ladies tote, how did they arrive at so much fame and success? What makes them so different from girls like us? What I have observed is that they have:

1) SELF RESPECT & SELF WORTH

The first step to any control over our lives is to respect ourselves for who we are. It is only after we can firmly say that we deserve to be respected that we can understand that we are bigger than the situation we are tackling. Without this realization, it is very easy to fall prey to any force that is out to subdue us.

Growing up, and even up till this day, I struggle with respecting myself. I was good at giving others the benefit of the doubt and respecting them despite their shortcomings, but I was a lot more ruthless with my own self-analysis—I saw flaws where others saw strengths. I struggled with the fact that I could be as deserving as any of the great women. However, after many self-assessments, positive mediation and encouragement from my parents, I slowly garnered the strength to pick myself out of this depreciating self esteem cycle. I had to learn how to compartmentalise my feelings and let my logic convince me that I deserve nothing less than what’s best for me. What I needed to understand was that in order for me to wear the pants, I first had to respect myself and shield myself from the bombardment of ridicule. All it took was the ability to step back from the predicament and start seeing the situation in its totality. Only then was I able to see that the size of the problem doesn’t change; it is the attitude I took that can be overcome.

So dear girls, please remember that our worth is not a value that others place on us. It is ultimately up to us to determine what we are really worth. After all, if we don’t give ourselves the chance to be respected, then who will? In fact, I believe that the more respect we accord ourselves, the more respect others will give us—like an infectious cycle that keeps reinforcing itself!

2) KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE MATTER AT HAND

Knowledge is power—and this is saying definitely has its merits. We all have our own opinions, but our opinions are only as powerful as the knowledge we use to arrive at those opinions. We need to ensure that our words are substantiated by facts and preferably some well thought through logic and theories. Every stance is only as strong as what it is backed up against; otherwise our words will be weightless. We may be able to fool a few people, but others will be able to see for what it’s really worth. So, if we want to speak for what we believe in and leave an impact, then we need to be able to substantiate our stand.

However, we need to be mindful that the knowledge to back up our stance can’t be pulled out of mid air. We can only choose to speak for what we know. We can’t rummage through our brains to find something of substance if there was nothing appropriate for that stance to begin with. Remember, preparation is the key. It is the pre-requisite to knowledge and power! To illustrate this point, let me share an incident with you. I was baffled by how ridiculous a man made himself in the court of law the other day. You would assume that a plaintiff who managed to pull resources together to sue someone in court would be prepared and confident of his stance. In this case, the plaintiff was the opposite. He was not only unsure of his points, making himself look like an utter fool, the High Court judge even ordered him outside the court to reprimand him. It was hilarious!

Knowledge also gives us confidence in our beliefs. It helps us know for sure that our beliefs are worth believing in, and this gives us even more courage to voice our opinions.

Let’s use an example that we girls often find hard to handle: confrontation. Usually when we’re unhappy with something (or someone); we tend to cage it in and pretend to let it slide. When we do that, we let other people wear the pants in our lives because we let them get away with making us unhappy. Unhappiness is not a feeling we should be sorry about, especially if we are unhappy for a valid reason. Again, knowledge is power because we can logically explain why we feel the way we do and work things out through civil confrontation. So, gather knowledge—it is like verbal ammunition to store in the pockets of the pants we wear to stand up for ourselves.

3) THE ABILITY TO SAY ‘NO’ & DEAL WITH REJECTION

I don’t know about you, but I struggled (and still struggle) with saying ‘no’ to others. It’s just one syllable and probably one of the easiest words to pronounce, yet many of us struggle with using this simple but powerful word.

I’m grateful to my dad for teaching me to remove the emotional fear of being resented if I said it. My dad’s advice was to separate our emotions from the reactions of others, and see the situation objectively. Indeed, wearing the pants and taking control of our lives means being able to live with the fact that some people might not be happy with us saying ‘no’ to them. So, while we can’t help the way others might react to us, we can definitely control the way we deal with rejection.

Realise that rejection is merely one person’s opinion. Whether it was our coach who didn’t elect us as captain or a boyfriend who decided to end a relationship, rejection is just the choice of one person. One person’s opinion is just an opinion; not a fact.

Value our strengths and keep focused on them no matter what rejection we may face. Make a list of things that we love about ourselves and review it whenever we’re down. This is a list of things that we can grow to become even better at! What a way to turn rejection into fuel for self-improvement!

Overcoming rejection is a choice. Everyone is bound to feel hurt or disappointed at some point in time, but it is within our power to see rejection as an opportunity to become better people rather than allowing it to consume us.

Overcoming the fear of rejection is the most liberating feeling in the world—I can bear witness to that! It’s the same way that pants allow more freedom of movement that skirts could never match up to. They not only allow us to take bigger and more aggressive strides, they also allow us to sit cross legged or have our legs propped up on the table without the fear of giving a live broadcast of our undies!

A hero is simply someone who rises above her own human weakness for an hour, a day, a year to do something stirring.

~ Betty Deramus ~

4) TENACITY & PERSERVERENCE—HAVING A NEVER-SAY-DIE ATTITUDE

Have you heard the saying that women are like noodles and men are like waffles? For women, every strand of emotion links to every other strand of emotion. So, we tend to let our emotions cloud our judgment when we react to failure or rejection. Some girls even like to remain emotional in the hopes that people would show pity on them and rescue the damsels in distress. However, I think that when we rely on other people to save us, we are actually running away from accepting who we are and accepting responsibility for ourselves.

Guys, on the other hand, are masters at compartmentalizing their emotions into individual waffle squares. So, they let logic be their guide in reacting to failure or rejection. They tend to take it in their stride and keep on moving anyway.

To be fair, there are pros and cons to having a noodle or a waffle brain. However, when failure or rejection hits, we need to wear the pants to harness waffle powers such as confidence, logic pride and strength. This helps us stay in control of our emotions, get over them and pick ourselves up.

Take Hua Mulan in the legend at the beginning of this chapter for example. She wore the pants to disguise herself as a man to protect her elderly father from conscription. True, she did literally put on the pants—but that’s not what really matters here. Mulan had the strength to overcome her emotions and control her destiny. Now, that’s what I call wearing the pants!

I’ll bet that Mulan faced moments where she just felt like giving up, and she probably had to try extra hard to compensate for her lack of physical strength; but the fact is that she stood her ground. She might have been knocked down, but she definitely wasn’t knocked out. There’s a big difference between the two. Being knocked down means you can come back up if you will yourself to, just like a bop bag (an inflatable doll that bounces back up after being punched); being knocked out, on the other hand, means being defeated because you don’t get back up again.

What would you choose to be? Knocked down or knocked out? Both definitely have 'knocks', but the choice to be kept on the floor and knocked out instead of just a temporal knocked down is a matter of choosing to wear the pants in your life! Life is surely going to be bombarded with knocks—physical, verbal or emotional. However, we need to know that no one else but us dictates the choice of picking ourselves up and moving on from the hurts and our past. Look forward and focus on what we already have. We deserve so much more than wallowing in our miseries and pains. So grasp on to the future, but remember to pick yourself up first and wear the pants so as to be truly liberated from the bondages that may hold you back.

REFLECTION

If we don’t wear the pants someone else will. So, know what we want and stand firm until we get it. After all, behind every big multi-national corporation lie very normal people who report to some other normal person who might think they are more important. However, outside of their corporate façade, they are just as plain as anyone else. They too have their own stories that have shaped them, their personal ups and downs, and their experience and knowledge that they have picked up in their lives. These people aren’t made out of steel, but of flesh with weakness and soft spots just like us. We just need to persevere without jeopardising our beliefs or being pushed over.

The more we know, the more confident we become; and with more confidence, we harness the ability to stand up for ourselves and not be bullied. All walls can be broken if we really trust and believe.

Parents, you need to show interest in us and let us know that we are important. Don’t be fooled by some of us who are able to package ourselves in a way that make us look confident. Take some time to catch up with us, your daughters, and ask how we are feeling in a genuine way. Even if we seem to excel in everything we do, it’s always important to examine how we feel about ourselves amidst the chaos. Excellence can sometimes be misleading because everything looks like it is running smooth on the surface. More importantly, excellence is not an antidote for insecurity. In fact, sometimes excellence can breed even more insecurity because we end up running around aimlessly doing stuff to keep up our image rather than doing it just for ourselves. What we need is a reminder of our worth no matter what our achievements are so that we know better who we are and are happy with ourselves.

Parents, you also need to let us know that you can be our back-up plan. Yes, do emphasise on the importance of attaining knowledge, but let us understand that is is okay if we don’t. Help us comprehend that we don’t need to know everything, but that we could do with ‘wiser council’ on our speed dial—ones that we could rely on and seek help from. Make us aware that wearing the pants does not mean that we have to act immediately or to give it everything we’ve got there and then. Rather, action requires strategic thinking, immaculate timing and the ability to pause and take time out when we are not in the right frame of mind or are not prepared enough. Remember that life is a journey and what we decide to do today has definite impact on what will happen tomorrow. We can’t run away from our actions or past, all we can do is accept what and who we are. So, teach us how to pause and act with logic.

Parents, you need to teach us that not every word spoken is to our benefit. Though many of us may have the gift of the gap and words do hold weight and definitely have power, the lack of substance in our words or the inappropriate use of them can actually backfire. In my opinion, it is essential that Asian parents encourage their children to speak up as our society is filled with the fear of rejection or being frowned upon, but this has to be tempered with the ability to analyse the situation and apply when to speak up. Silence sometimes leaves the other party unsure of what we are thinking and gives us ammunition. Opting to remain silent sometimes works to our benefit; it actually gives us more time to think before reacting.

The Lingerie Effect

Underwear is underrated.

It’s easy to forget we are wearing it because when we look at what other people are wearing, their clothes hide their underwear. Yet we would not look as good without underwear. Without bras, our boobs would look saggy, or our nipples would show through our clothes. Without panties we would feel vulnerable in skirts and dresses, and very uncomfortable in pants.

Of course, there are times when we see people’s underwear even though they are clothed. Like when their panties stick out of their jeans, or when their tops are so low their bras show. Most of the time, when we see underwear like that in public, our reaction is usually one of discomfort or disgust.

Underwear is meant to be behind-the-scenes. Something we wear in private, that we can’t (or don’t) show to just anyone. Don’t you feel uncomfortable when you see people adjusting their bra or panties in public, like pulling out a wedgie? It is because underwear is the sort of thing that needs to be worn under – in private.

It is such a private thing because it is also about you holding yourself together, much like the way your bra supports your boobs and your underwear supports your butt. And when you’ve got yourself together, with your underwear on, that is when you feel at ease.

Let me illustrate what I mean: being in a hurry to get to the gym one day, I packed my gym bag in record time and bolted for the gym. Time was running out because very soon after that, I had to meet some old friends for dinner. When I finished working out, I automatically carried out my daily ritual of washing the underwear I had worn. Later as I was dressing up I realized that in my rush to the gym, I did not pack an extra set of underwear to go out in. Even worse, because I wasn’t prepared for this, the only underwear I had was dripping wet because I just washed it. So I surrendered myself to the situation and went commando! I know it sounds hilarious but the experience was far from exciting. In fact, it was extremely nerve-wracking. Even my friends could tell I couldn’t fully enjoy myself because I was so antsy and distressed that night…

…all because I didn’t have my underwear on. This is what I mean when I say underwear is underrated. You would think not wearing it is not a big deal, but I speak from experience when I say it makes a huge difference to your inner sense of security. It may be hidden and understated by it is absolutely essential. Why? Because we can’t carry off our outfits without underwear. Even if I wore a beautiful dress or a splendid suit, without underwear I would feel incomplete and very self-conscious.

So even though I was out with old friends – people I technically should feel completely comfortable with, I couldn’t be at ease. The discomfort and uneasiness put me out of the mood for fun, and I decided not to stay out much longer with them.

But wait – if you think not wearing underwear is a problem, it’s almost as bad as wearing the wrong underwear. I’ll bet you have seen people dressed to impress, but spoiled the entire look just by wearing panties that were too tight and created spectacular visible panty lines through their outfits, or fire engine red panties that shone through their white dresses, or granny panties that peeked through the top of their jeans, or bras that were too tight and created extra folds of fat through their t-shirts. Underwear is underrated – we think we can’t see it under our clothes, but when we least expect it, underwear can completely ruin our outfit (no matter how awesome our outfit is).

I used to always admire celebrities in low-cut glamorous gowns, looking downright fabulous. For some reason, our eyes are always drawn to their full and perky chests. I have to admit this, even though I am a girl. I always attributed this to them winning the genetic wheel of fortune, but I soon realized there was more to it than just that: looking so good also took self-confidence and belief in their self-worth. It took the belief that they deserved being noticed and having a presence – but all this had to come from the inside, much like a good bra lying under their dress to boost and emphasize their assets.

This sort of confidence doesn’t happen overnight. This confidence came with preparing to get to where they are, preparing their bodies for the public eye by working out, and preparing themselves mentally to feel like they are beautiful. All this takes a lot of time and reflection, all on their own, and in private. We don’t see it, but it makes such a huge difference!

Let’s call it the Lingerie Effect.

When we wear underwear, like a Wonderbra for example, it helps us develop cleavage – and we end up feeling so much more confident about ourselves. We can’t see the Wonderbra, but we can see the effect of the Wonderbra. That is the lingerie effect: confidence after preparation in private.

After all, the word lingerie gives us a new perspective on underwear: it speaks of style and glamour to an otherwise dull piece of undergarment.

Why is the Lingerie Effect a bare necessity in my point of view?

Most preparation is private, from studying for your exams to working out to get fit. Sure, you may do it with friends, but the only person who can control the amount of information you absorb is you yourself. Not only is it private, it is also unseen – and this is the preparation I am emphasizing. It is the preparation that is very easily overlooked in life. Yet this preparation, like underwear, is absolutely essential to enhancing your assets, whether it is your grades or your looks.

I have a friend who makes it a point to always wear lucky red underwear to her auditions. At first I didn’t get why. No one was going to see her underwear, so what difference did it make? Then she replied that it gave her a huge confidence boost, even though she was the only person in the room who knew the color of her undies. She called them her Power Panties – an underlying secret weapon that empowered her from the inside out.

That, my friends, is the Lingerie Effect.

I know it must sound pretty crazy for me to be emphasizing the importance of underwear, because we all wear it everyday anyway. But what I really want to emphasize is that a lot of us don’t think of the consequences of wearing ill-suited underwear.

When girls don’t put on their Wonderbras, it’s not because they want to have a flatter looking chest. It might be because they don’t have a Wonderbra to begin with, or are too busy to find the time to go shopping for one, or they just plain forgot to wear their Wonderbras instead of their conventional bras.

Sure, life goes on without a Wonderbra, but we wouldn’t have looked our absolute best. It’s the same way that life goes on if we choose not to take time out for personal preparation. We can choose not to study hard, but life goes on. The exam doesn’t get postponed.

We cannot underestimate the importance of preparation just because we hardly see the preparation that leads up to the final product, the final sprint, or the final test of how good we are.

Even though underwear is a private thing, the benefits of what we do in private show up on the outside. Likewise, the preparation that goes into what we do will show up in our actions.

This is an even bigger problem if we are very busy people. With too many commitments, it often feels like everyone is trying to pull us in all directions, and taking turns defining who we are. Trying to please everyone is exhausting and uncomfortable. It is as if we are not wearing the pants (and standing up for ourselves), and not wearing our underwear too – because if we had worn our underwear and spent time in private reflecting for ourselves, we would be able to filter out what we needed to listen to and then stand up for ourselves. This is an example where, without underwear, our outfit is

Without underwear (or private time), it becomes difficult to wear tops too. In real life, if we go without a bra, our boobs show through our shirts more easily, or even worse, our boobs look saggy! Without a bra, we would have to resort to wearing thick, baggy shirts just to cover up the fact that we are braless. If we bring this back to the Tops chapter, a baggy top cuts our self-esteem by and makes us stand out for what we lack.

So even though taking time out for ourselves might sound like taking time off developing our relationships, in actual fact, spending time alone preparing ourselves can actually strengthen intimate relationships. Solitude allows us to grow and nurture ourselves. That way, we can always make sure there are two people in the relationship. On the contrary, if we are always wrapped in each other, we miss out on valuable time to find out who we are and ponder the world around us for ourselves.

That’s the irony of it all. The more we try to impress people, the more we end up losing our sense of self. But if we find alone time, it develops us in a way that helps form basis for our relationships with others. Being on our own allows us to develop the confidence, competence and resilience for ourselves – which is what truly impresses people around us. Solitude puts individuals in touch with their deepest feelings and priorities, to help them sift out what is important and reorganize their lives where needed.

So we can see that being alone has its perks and its healing properties. It is restorative, refreshing and can recharge us as we step back and take a break from the overwhelming world we live in. I’m sure you will agree that we can find incredible delight in doing absolutely nothing on our own. That is the time the world feels less hectic and more manageable.

Regrouping. Recharging. Rediscovering. Refreshing. Reflecting. That is what we do when we are alone, in private. That is what underwear represents.

We can do this by making dates with ourselves. Use the calendar template in the next few pages to schedule in some private time:

(calendar grid) - to be uploaded soon

Of course, at the end of the day, we need to strike a balance between the need to connect with others and the need to connect with ourselves. This takes understanding what our personal needs and preferences are. Some people might require more alone time than others, like in the form of a weekend get away trip spent doing yoga and getting three massages a day, whereas for some others all it takes is an afternoon spent baking. If we relate this to underwear, it is just like how some girls need a padded bra to boost their assets. That way, they feel fuller, and more attractive. Yet others just need simple tissue thin bras to get by, feeling carefree with minimal padding.

No matter how much our preferences differ – from a push-up bra to tissue thin bras – it doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, we all need a bra. We all need underwear. We all need coverage and time spent in private, preparing ourselves so we feel more confident. And with that confidence we look sexy. Sexy is how we look and feel when we have a great bra and feel like our assets look great!

We’ve been talking a lot about solitude being a positive thing, and one thing to note is that it should not be confused with loneliness. Solitude means having our own undivided attention and being okay with being alone with ourselves. Loneliness, on the other hand, means that our sense of happiness depends on the company of others.

So remember that being alone doesn’t mean you are a loner. And on the flipside, being popular doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone and be a slave to acceptance.

To end off the chapter, let’s take a look at all the different underwear choices we have, as fun way to remember that private time can take on many different shapes and forms.

There are padded bras, push-up bras, strapless bras, racerback bras, sportsbras, bras that are clipped in front, nubras and nipple stickers.

There are g-string undies, granny panties, regular cotton panties, and lace panties.

What you choose to wear depends on what you need or want. You don’t have to follow others and what they like to wear. It may not suit you. think about your style, the kind of coverage your body needs, and your personal preferences. At the end of the day, our underwear choices are not seen in the public eye. But they are small decisions we make to make ourselves happy. That is what matters.

To the world, all that really matters is what they can see: the results, the glamour, the end-product. Not the preparation time. That is why the only people we need to set preparation time aside for is ourselves…and if you ask me, that is pretty important!

No matter how gifted or talented you are, or how many achievements you have accumulated, no one is superhuman like Superman. Preparation is always needed no matter what. And if you think about it, even Superman needed to have some peace and quiet in his life, by switching to Clark Kent mode. He could not spend all his life fighting battles, saving people, and combating evil. Even Superman gets tired and needs time to recover and repair from his adventures saving the world.

“Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

It’s not easy to be me
…
Looking for special things inside of me”

- ‘Superman’ by Five For Fighting

These lyrics from the song ‘Superman’ tell us that even Superman had to look for special things inside of him. And he certainly couldn’t do that while saving someone’s life and wearing his underwear on the outside! He ultimately needed to wear his underwear on the inside, switch to Clark Kent rest and off-duty mode, and find time to himself.

Underwear can’t be seen through our clothes, but they are absolutely essential. No matter how glamorous the clothes are, our clothes always look better with the right type of underwear underneath. Underwear represents all the effort and preparation that is easily overlooked, yet necessary for things to happen and for work to be done.

We need to prioritize private time for ourselves because no one else can do it for us. Private time is for us, and us alone. Likewise, our underwear is for us, and us alone. We can’t share it with other people. It is a very personal and private thing. So again no hand-me downs!

Underwear may be underrated, but I hope that you now see the real value in it.