Chapter 2: Tops Draft 1.0 (Cont.)

Feeling unloved: Revealing tops, flashy tops, and baggy tops

When we’re younger and keen for attention, our parent’s urges to “Cover up!” and “Pull down that top!” were always construed as paranoia, old fashion thinking, and being irritating! However, as I grew older, I realized that my parents had valid reasons for telling me to over my belly.

As sexy and wildly fun as we think it may be, the message that revealing, provocative or sexy tops send is that we’re ‘easy’. Sure, we may get attention from those boys at the club, but that attention is limited to surface lust, and lacks depth.

Let me ask you a question. Which is a better type of relationship? One that was built on character attraction, or one that is built on surface attraction? Attraction definitely comes with seeing, but it lasts with feeling. If we attract the wrong people in our life who come to us for the wrong reasons, we are going to have a lot more problems to deal with.

Symbolically, a revealing top can represent a craving for love and attention. It represents girls who are searching in all the wrong places and taking whatever love that is thrown to them, without any filtering first. Just like how a lot of us girls like to throw on a sexier top every now and then, at times we naturally crave more love and attention too.

Then, there are the girls with the tops that are too loud and too proud- the over-the-top, in-your-face tops! Like a top with the Dior logo printed on every inch. It’s not just the designer namedropping they do with their t-shirts. These people also literally namedrop to flaunt connections with the who’s who. These are the types who drive Ferraris, which are actually on loan. They scream for attention to make sure they are seen, and often the girls wearing them talk just as loudly to be heard.

Stereotypically, the message being sent here is that you’re a show off. It appears that you need to prove your worth. Many girls dress up in flashy clothes to make themselves seem wealthy and “living it up”, and sometimes they can achieve that quite successfully. However, it definitely doesn’t help you score points in Humility and risks people thinking of you as pretentious.

There are also the girls on the other end of the attention-craving spectrum too: girls who wear sloppy tops.

I used to wear huge over sized t shirts back in the day. Remember my monotone wardrobe? Did I forget to mention it was a monotone AND oversized wardrobe? Although it wasn’t necessarily true of my personality, the message I was sending to people then was that I “couldn’t be bothered”. When I see such people today, the message they send to me is that they are unmotivated, socially inactive and unconfident.

The sloppy shirt represents the kind of girls that hide under their oversized shirts hoping to mask their existence. These are the girls that feel ugly, and worry that attracting more attention to themselves will in turn attract criticism. So they don’t go shopping for love, don’t wear skimpy tops of flashy tops. In short, they don’t feel like they don’t deserve anything better.

The sloppy top represents those that conceal a deep insecurity, because these girls cannot take pride in who they are. They assume that this is what they are going to be forever more, and they can’t change it.

If you think about it, one thing we girls all have in common is our tendency towards insecurity. It’s a fear of rejection – we fear putting in too much effort studying only to be rejected by our dream university, we fear doing something different in case our friends reject us for being weird, and we fear trying something new in case our work is rejected.

(point 1 to be expanded)We have an innate need for acceptance, from wanting our friends to like us, or wanting people to like what we have done. (point 2 to be expanded) Other times, we just don’t know ourselves well enough to stay confident in our abilities and strengths.

So girls, note the messages you are sending out with the choice of your tops. And if your heart is wearing a revealing, flashy or sloppy top, remember that you are worth so much more than that. There are so many reasons for you to love who you are. For a start, here are 10.

INSERT 10 REASONS

1.

2.

3

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Now continue with 11, 12, to 100! Make your own list and keep it in your wallet. Never forget that you are lovable. You deserve the best.