Chapter 1: Starting from Nude Draft 1.0

Chapter 1: Nudity and packaging

Have you ever gone an entire day without clothes? Wait, let me rephrase that: have you ever lived a day naked?

The thought is a bit revolting – what kind of suggestion is that? If we were to walk around undressed, we would feel like there are a million eyes glaring at us, and other people looking at us would feel very embarrassed and uncomfortable. Not to mention, we would never get noticed for the right reasons, or in the right way.

There’s this story of a couple that decided to walk down the road of a popular Village in Singapore, completely naked. They got lots of stares, they were all over the news, but worst of all, they were charged by the police!

Then there’s another story of a bunch of boys from a certain University in Singapore, who ran down the hallways of their dormitory, completely naked. They too, were all over the news and were suspended from school.

You might say it’s a cultural thing: some countries have nudist beaches, in some European countries it’s perfectly fine to sunbathe topless, and in Japan you’re expected to enter the hot springs naked. But these are exceptions to the rule. No one goes grocery shopping naked, or goes to work naked, or celebrates their birthday in their birthday suit! (but if you do, please excuse me)

But you know what? Sure we all wear clothes now, but think rewind to the day you were born… the day your sister was born, the day you best friend was born. We weren’t born with fancy clothes! We all started out the same.

As newborns, we enter the world the same way. Naked. Unclothed. Sure, you might’ve had a larger tuff of hair than I did, but we looked pretty much the same. It’s only when the wardrobe selection bit kicked in that we started differentiating ourselves more obviously.

While some of us grew up into that tom boy phase like my little sister, complete with toy pistols, oversized tshirts and a short crop, some rare others can get swooped up to stardom to become movie stars. They get the nicest Chanel’s, tailored-to-fit designer dresses, professional make up, fancy up-do’s. And Viola! They become beauties fit to be plastered over Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. Now, don’t they stand out with their extra pretty packaging?

While it’s great to get dolled up into a pretty package, it’s important to make sure that the packaging is a genuine representation of what’s inside. Packaging yourself is about finding the right fit of friends, feeling comfortable with who you are, understanding the values you represent, and, at the same time, relating to and accepting guidance from your parents.

Often times we don’t realize it, but our image says volumes about a person. What we choose to put on for the day gives people visual cues to our preferences, tastes and character. Take me, for example.

My wardrobe used to be a monotone mash-up of black and white. It wasn’t much to look at, and like black-and-white movies, would have done better in color.

I was fifteen at the time, with a schedule I raced to keep up with: training, school, training, training, homework, managing various leadership positions, back to homework. Repeat.

In exchange for living life at 100 km/h, I won acceptance from my peers and votes for leadership positions- bits of affirmation I earned as badges of honor.

Badges of honor. That was what I was really looking for: acceptance as a thumbs-up sign, acceptance as an antidote against insecurity. So I continued working harder, faster, better to satisfy my craving for those badges of honor that I used to measure my self-worth.

Although affirmation made me feel better, it didn’t change the fact that at the core of it all, I needed to prove myself to myself, not to others.

Yet I continued working

harder,

faster,

better.

Because the trouble with seeking acceptance from others as a temporary cure against insecurity, is this: after living at 100 km/h, I would not allow myself to live any slower.

I only wanted to go faster, and each time, faster than before. Living faster meant living life efficiently, on schedule and on target.

Schedules, targets,

drive, discipline,

rules, no excuses,

yes, no,

black, white.

Black and white.

At 15 years, I wasn’t much of a fashionista, believe me. I filled my wardrobe with black and white outfits because they seemed the easiest to throw on, no need for matching, either! I had no time to worry about how I looked then.

It was only when I got a half-shoulder top with bright blue and yellow prints as a gift. It didn’t fit in my wardrobe’s tribe of black-and-white, and it certainly did not feel right on me. It’s bright hue made me feel all the more conscious of the attention I drew towards myself, and made me feel so uncomfortable.

Nu-uh, so-rry. I wasn’t going to wear that bright top. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t that confident, outspoken and special girl that that top said I was. So, off Jac and back into the closest it went.

Jac was the black and white girl. And with the clothes I had on everyday, you could tell.

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. Jac the black and white girl grew in confidence as she grew older, and soon that bright blue and yellow top went back on, and felt more in place. Today I’m glad to say me wardrobe has a mish mash of happy, colorful clothes.

How we dress is very often a visual summary of who we are, what we do, where we are going, how we feel about ourselves, and that’s just the start.

As girls, we’re lucky to have many different permutations of packaging (or clothes) to choose from, and each piece we decide to buy will make a certain statement to others. Part of the process of sifting out the right packaging involves seeking guidance from our parents. If I had taken some of my mom’s wardrobe advice, I certainly wouldn’t be decked out in monotones! Likewise, if I had stopped for a moment to listen to the advice my parents had to give, I would have been a less insecure child with a point to prove to everyone.

Our parents are the people who brought us into the world and nurtured us to become who we are today. Besides nurturing, they often share the same nature as us, because our behavior and traits tend to take after our parents…and that means our parents have a lot of relevant insights to share with us.

Parents love us, they care for us. Sometimes this love might get a little lost in translation, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”

~Oscar Wilde

As daughters, its important to forgive our parents for any past hurts they caused. Too many girls grow up distant from their parents because of a lack of communication and a neglected relationship. Stop and think about this, what do you get out of a bad relationship? Hurt, distrust, agitation. As hard as it may seem, try to mend the brokenness between you, or strength what you already share.

Start by talking to them over a lunch, or ask them to go shopping with you. Surprise them by telling them “I love you”. Your parents, with years of experience undoubtedly have wisdom to share and you can benefit from it and save yourself from a lot of heartache if you learn to listen.

Remember, any relationship is a two way street that takes effort on both sides. If no one is leading that relationship, someone needs to start. Start anywhere, just increase your communication level- Say Good morning when you see them at the breakfast table, Good bye when you’re leaving the house, and Good night before you sleep. When you get to know them better, they are getting to know you better too.

A little extra effort can go a long way.

Think of your parents as accessories. While you can look alright with the simple t-short and shorts, a great necklace and headband can make you stand out from everyone else. Likewise, love and guidance from your parents can add that extra oomph to your packaging and help you become all that you can be.